What do disabled people get sick of hearing from able bodied people? In their perception, disability equals “ugly” or “unattractive”. Of course, it’s ridiculous.
Don’t ask someone what their disabilities are. Don’t give help without asking. Don’t tell anyone they are ‘brave’. Seven people reveal their everyday disabilism bugbears .
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It depends but in general from my perspective:
1- “I only took the (disabled parking, accessible toilet, accessible shopping trolley) for a minute….” (I detest people excusing their bad behaviour rather than just saying “Oh, sorry”)
2- “You people….” (Disabled people are far from a homogeneous group)
3. Nothing. (Speaking to the person with me about me instead of to me)
4. “I know it’s hard to get around the store, and there should be more light/signs, but it’s a small store and we have a lot of stuff.” (Then get less stuff, and make the aisles a bit wider)
5. “Here doggie doggie! Your dog is so cute!” (accompanied by fussing my assistance dog who has the GREAT BIG “do not distract” sign on her back)
6. “You’re lucky you can park so close” (referring to disabled parking) and/or “you’re so lucky to be able to sit all the time”. (Yeah, luck isn’t what landed me in my current circumstances, thanks)
7. That we are benefit scroungers or unable to work/ contribute to society
8. That we are somehow lesser people whose brains cease to function
9. That somehow as an abled person, they know more about my needs than I do
10. “I’ll do it for you…” (Most things, I would rather just do for myself, thanks. I will certainly ask if I need help- I am grateful for basic courtesy like calling a lift or opening a door, but choosing my sandwich for me is a step too far)
11. “I understand what you are going through because my best friend/mother/cousin/pen pal/internet lover is disabled….” (No, you understand what it feels like to care about and maybe even for someone with a disability, you don’t understand *my* experience)
12. When you complain about something reasonable (eg, the disabled access door being blocked with a big plant) and get called a snowflake
13. “how do disabled people have sex?” “How do deaf people think if they can’t hear?” “Can someone with (x-disability) do (x-activity)” etc. We’re all different people; there is nothing that is universally one size fits all- which is why this list applies to how I feel, but probably no one else.
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